If anyone has done this, I’d love to hear from you.
But here’s my take on it:
The older I get, the more I become a minimalist – Just ignore the vast array of shoes in my closet, KThnx. However, in relationships, things can get really complicated, really quickly. So, one way to remedy that is by dealing with one thing/issue at a time.
In some expansively profound way, this leads to the topic of the day: Withholding sex from your mate, for an extended period of time, in order to deal with a problem that exists outside of the bedroom aka Holding Out.
I had spoken with a good friend a while back whom brought this up in conversation and his entire position on this topic is “That’s some BULLS***.” And, honestly, I can’t say I disagree.
There were a few routes I thought of taking when broaching this topic here. But truthfully, just like you shouldn’t bring work home, you should take your problems into the bedroom. Now, I know it’s not fair to say it, but it’s true; if you don’t do it, someone else will. [This goes for all sexes and both emotional and sexual encounters.] My friend is really good man and avoids temptation at all costs. But it can be a chore, and everyone has a breaking point.
It’s important to be true to ourselves and honest about our motives as to whats really happening for us, emotionally. What are you trying to accomplish? What are you trying to get from your partner that you are not receiving?
That’s where you should keep the focus. By withholding sex you are being counterproductive; layering on another problem. While we’re busy being pissed about whatever in efforts to punish them, they’ve completely forgotten about the real issues and their focus has shifted to not getting laid, and that can inadvertently cause excess stress. So as time goes on, you guys become more polarized instead of addressing the original issue, directly.
Most women need to feel emotionally close to their partner to be sexual. Most men need to be sexual to feel emotionally close. We’ve all seen those couples where she’s complaining that he doesn’t do A, B, or C, and he’s bugging out because she won’t have sex with him, or she’s not sexually exploratory. So, then whats next? Emotional cheating? Sexual cheating? As cliché as it sounds, we need to spend more energy on compromising & less on ways to punish each other.
I think you separate your sexual organ when you use it as a weapon against your partner. This form of weaponry allows you to separate you from your…fun parts, and then your…fun parts become an object versus a part of you as a being, in which is respected as a whole. Your partner, at some point, will lose respect for the “weapon.” You should only separate the problems, that have nothing to do with your intimacy, from your intimate encounters, and deal with them head-on.
Further, there a quite a few problems that can be solved by just having sex. Not the deep stuff, but definitely the shallow problems. Don’t believe me? Try it! I dare you! ;)
Fully commit yourself to having sex with your partner, while you’re in the middle of an extremely frivolous fight and see if you remember why you were mad in the first place, or see if it even matters anymore.
And let’s not forget the stellar fact that there are health benefits in having regular sex for yourself, as well. [For Women] It helps keep your immune system going. The more you do it, the more you will want to. It helps lower your blood pressure. If done right, it can count as exercise. It lowers your risk for a heart attack. And finally, it keeps the intimacy that we need in lasting relationships alive. Seriously. Webmd said it, you don’t have to take my word for it.
Instead of being mad at them and possibly taking it too far, try communicating. There’s a famous Buddhist saying “Would you rather be right or be happy?”
Be happy! And fully immerse yourself in that happiness.
**I am in NO WAY a person who makes allowances for cheating. I fully believe you should stay faithful or leave. But when a good, faithful person ventures out to find comfort, it’s a telltale sign that the relationship is already over. I just don’t think it’s fair for one person to carry all of ANY burden when there are two people in a relationship.**