Is Great Sex Necessary for Great Love?

Everything about you
I took a small survey among a handful — and a few more fingers — of my friends asking this exact question. They are all different ages, sex, single, married, divorced and/or attached. The results weren’t even, but not too far off. Not many leaned too far in one direction. In fact, a few definitively answered, but after explaining it, teetered off to the opposite side without fully committing to it. Needless to say there is not a definitive answer, because everyone is different.  And If I were to generalize I’d be directed towards my personal opinion…well…because I’m always right. (Duh! …and because I agree with the common vote.)
So, I will attempt to teeter on the edge while highlighting the thoughts and opinions of the people I asked. I care about yours, just a tiny bit also, so if you’re feeling frisky answer the completely anonymous poll below using the comments section to elaborate if you’re feeling frisky. Discussion time!
Now, in my opinion this is a loaded question. Firstly, what do you consider a “great love” and THEN within that love does great sex matter? 
I won’t go too deeply into that one this time.  I’ll keep it simple for now.
After reading the comments and keeping an open mind about everyone’s opinions, — and might I add this was one of the easiest subjects to broach with every last one of them — surprisingly, I heard “No, BUT…” more times than a few. I even got a flat-out “maybe”. A long-time friend of mine answered with a simple and eloquent answer referring to the age of the person.
10 years ago
To add to that I’ll have to say, it’s not necessarily dependent on the age, rather the stage someone is at in their lives. You can be 20 and fully ready to settle down, or 40 and not ready, so great sex would be at different positions on your list.
When we get rid of the insurmountable idea that a prince charming exists or that he will appear out of thin air and he is the absolute being created directly by God himself, we can be real with ourselves. It’s a beautiful thought, and the movies do a good job at making us feel butterflies for a screenplay, and well rehearsed actors that lead us to believe it is true. However, the reality is, that it ends there. There are a few lucky ones, of course, just don’t depend on that thought. I’m relentlessly positive, but I’m also realistic, so…get it out of your head honey. Yes he scratches his balls. It’s human nature.
When people aren’t satisfied they will seek satisfaction. Until or unless we realize that the satisfaction isn’t worth losing the current life we have built. Some aren’t strong enough or willing to stay around when they aren’t physically satisfied. 
Long time
Honestly, compatibility is hard enough to find, people! You have to take your wins where you can get them. There will be a lack of qualities in some areas, it’s called being human. These are things we learn to overlook because if you want someone they have to not matter. Considering the lacked qualities aren’t that he’s/she’s a murderer, liar, cheater…etc, some things can be overlooked when they are frivolous.
To be in a happy partnership the people involved need to be compatible and have an understanding and respect for the each other and their strengths and weaknesses. And if their weakness happens to be lack of experience in between the sheets maybe it’s worth teaching them how to please you, if they’re a willing participant.
Learn how to please
Most people I asked did say that great sex is not necessary for great love. In life, sometimes, we have to settle (by definition; to be secure and steady) in a way that does not include jeopardizing our dignity, and in love this is no different. Conformity should be on that list. In order to keep things going you have to try. You have to put forth an effort that will sometimes take you out of your comfort zone. Stepping out of your comfort zone can sometimes mean to stop doing meaningless things, with meaningless people and to make great love with someone you truly love.
After internalizing this, we will be able to remove the barrier that holds sex as number one when it’s only a piece of what makes a person who they are. There is no true glorified interpretation of love, and there isn’t one for sex either.

3 thoughts on “Is Great Sex Necessary for Great Love?

  1. In addition to needing to define great love (bc it looks different for different people), we’d need to define sex. Are we just talking penetrative sex? Or all kinds of sex? Some people have certain disabilities that don’t allow them to have sex in the usual ways that we imagine, but they are still quite sexual and quite satisfied, as are their partners. However, unfortunately sometimes not. This also widens the scope to consider people that are asexual. For example, a polyamorous relationship where all individuals are hopelessly in love, but one or more individuals may not be sexual, at all. This could also be true for other relationships. Sternberg’s triangle of love defined the “ideal love” as a love that contains passion, intimacy, and commitment. According to his theory, these are the things that are needed for an “ideal love.” He also describes the types of loves that are missing these key parts. For the most part, and for many people, I agree with this. But then it goes back to how certain couples choose to identify in their relationship and what the most important aspects are for them. At certain stages of the relationship, romance/passion might be the most important. At other stages, friendship/intimacy may be most important. Maybe some couples (for healthy or unhealthy), may feel that JUST having someone to be committed to is the most important thing. And all other combinations. But after my super long-winded response!…. I can say that I think the old saying holds true in most cases: “Sex is 10% of a good relationship, and 90% of a bad one.” Give or take some percents, of course! But you get the point. KMSL But NO… great sex is not necessary for great love, in my opinion.


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